Spirited
by Matok
Summary: A series of holiday-inspired one shots from the Kirkwall Academy universe. Hawke and Fenris celebrate (or more accurately, deal with) the season as they learn more about each other and themselves. Will be completed by 2015.
1. Chapter 1

_spirited \ˈspir-ə-təd\ a: (theology) the influence of God or divine things upon the soul._

* * *

><p><em>Fenris felt-<em>

The emotion was so foreign he'd almost forgotten it. Years of running and a lifetime of being on edge had made him callous, hardened and unyielding as a means of survival. And yet with Hawke, all of his walls crumbled.

_Fenris felt-_

The Friday tutoring sessions were his favorite. She stayed longer because she didn't have anywhere else to be. She implied once, even, that she lingered because she simply _enjoyed_ his presence and asked for nothing more of him than his time. Hawke was a serious, driven student but this day she had been more relaxed than he'd ever seen her; it was the last Friday of school before winter break, and with Carver and Gamlen both out of town she had high hopes that the weekend would be quiet and restful, two words which did not often fit into Hawke's life.

Fenris recalled the way she had smiled and looked out over the sunset framed by craggy cliffs earlier that day, talking easily of how nice it would be to have peace in her uncle's house, if only for a few days. They had joked together, laughed, and something inside of him long buried- long dead, he had thought- rose slowly with each soft smile and laugh he elicited from her.

_Fenris felt-_

Fenris felt _happy_.

* * *

><p>As Friday came, a huge sense of lightness washed over Hawke. Aveline had spirited Carver away for a wrestling tournament in the next town over, and Gamlen had been missing in action for the past day or so (more likely pissing his check away at the Blooming Rose Strip Club than not).<p>

Hawke had no responsibility, no hassle, and no obligation. _For three days._ The thought was unbelievable, and she practically skipped toward her Saab in the back lot of the academy.

It felt like ages since she had come back from Italy, her life had been nothing but a whirlwind of local press interviews, chaos induced by all her friends in Latin, and the obvious uproar caused by her family in the light of her new fortune.

Meanwhile, Fenris had his own purse and media circus to deal with- and since his triumphant return, her teacher seemed to gain quite the following among the underclassmen. It was part disturbing and hilarious to watch sixteen year olds wait outside the Latin classroom to talk to a teacher of a subject they couldn't take about things they didn't understand.

And their uniforms seemed to get shorter and shorter.

But none of that mattered, because it was Friday, and Hawke's family was gone, and Hawke knew for a fact Fenris was going to be at the lighthouse (after their session today she'd had a biotech club meeting but promised to come straight after), and she was armed with a batch I Merrill's best snickerdoodles...

And she was more than ready to show Fenris just how she could outdo a couple of sophomore girls.

* * *

><p>The day was both surprisingly clear and bright, and the combination served to heighten Fenris' mood that much further. The day was beautiful, he had two days of freshman-free quiet, and best of all Hawke was coming tonight.<p>

He was on the balcony of the lighthouse when he heard her Saab struggling up the hill and he raced down the stairs heart pounding to meet her. Finally, time alone with her, with his Hawke-

He opened the door just as she was knocking and he smiled immediately, a smile of true pleasure.

"Hawke," he breathed, and watched the cloud of mist fall into the space between them. Looking down he added, "You brought cookies."

Hawke blew a hank if her brown hair from her eyes before answering. "I won't take credit for Merrill and her snickerdoodles. They are legendary. It's so cold today, isn't it? At least it isn't raining-"

She felt a jolt of sensation as Fenris brushed her fingers, liberating them of snickerdoodles. His hands were warm, rough, all the tattoos matching her memory perfectly.

It felt like an age since the last time she saw him so close up.

Hawke cleared her throat and stepped inside. "Besides, if I don't feed you who knows how you'd sustain yourself. Wine isn't a food group, you know. You could starve in a supermarket."

Fenris chuckled and stepped through the threshold with Hawke. Her hip brushed his and something tightened with him. Setting the cookies on the counter he broke one on half and offered it to Hawke.

"Have you heard from your brother or Aveline?"

Hawke took the proffered cookie, letting her books thud to the floor with the satisfying ring of 'it's break, and I won't open another thing with pages until the next Sunday before school.

"No, thank God. I hope they're doing well and everything but I'm really enjoying the radio silence so far." She bit into her cookie, watching Fenris start on his half. "It's a nice change of pace."

Fenris nodded, watching her closely as pain flashed though her eyes, followed by relief.

It was this same strength in Hawke he had always admired, and it always took him back to their earlier days together.

"I feel the sunset will be particularly beautiful tonight. Would you like to join me on the balcony?"

Hawke smiled warmly. She knew that the balcony was Fenris' favorite place in the whole world; the expanse of the sea stretched out before him have him a sense of freedom, and solace.

"How could I refuse?" she murmured, taking his hand gently in hers.

It was the first touch they had shared in almost three weeks.

His skin _sung_ at her touch, his tattoos seeming to shoot the sensation all across his body.

They walked hand in hand up the painfully winding staircase till they reached the balcony drenched in the golden light of sunset.

Hawke sighed and leaned into him as he rested his hip against the balcony, committing this day- this moment- to memory lest he forget how it felt to be this wonderfully happy.

Fenris never knew he had been so empty, to be so full.

They watched the colors shift and dance atop the ocean as they birds cried in the distance. Perhaps it was the scene, or perhaps it was the company, but he was convinced this was the most spectacular sunset he'd seen since coming to Kirkwall.

"Can I ask you something?" Hawke said quietly, head on his shoulder.

Fenris felt a spike of anxiety at the ambiguity question, but for Hawke and for this moment he would answer anything truthfully.

"Of course."

"Do you believe in God? Or a god-like figure or anything?"

There was something in her voice, a strange and sudden vulnerability, which gave Fenris pause.

Hawke's face shifted to look up at him, her dark lashes framing bright eye.

"Sebastian asked me something similar not too long ago."

It had been an odd conversation, and Fenris was wary to partake in it since the boy was far too intuitive for him to feel comfortable saying anything to close to the truth.

"_Are you religious, Fenris?" He has asked after class one day as the students filed away._

_Fenris looked up and took in the boy's stance, open but more confident than usual. Odd._

"_If I say no, will you attempt to convert me?"_

_Sebastian smiled and shook his head slightly. "I'm merely curious."_

"_My faith was never strong," he replied, voice tight and controlled. "It's difficult for people like me to have faith in someone who abandoned them._

"_The Lord didn't cause your troubles, Fenris."_

"_He didn't help me much, either."_

"_And yet you stand here today. Perhaps He helped you more than you think."_

_Fenris had gaped slightly but before he could rightly respond Sebastian had nodded politely and taken his leave._

_The next day as the class was leaving Fenris called Sebastian up to his desk with a curt gesture._

"_Your god didn't save me." Fenris said quietly._

"_I see you've been thinking about what I said."_

"_I freed myself. If God did anything, He watched. Why should I thank Him for that?" Fenris shot back._

_Sebastian stepped closer and his voice lowered with something Fenris could only call compassion. "Is it so hard to believe the Lord cares for you? Maybe He gave you the opportunity to change your life."_

_Fenris was concerned by how close Sebastian's comment came to the truth of his situation._

"_It doesn't feel like God cares for me... or anyone."_

"_Bye guys! See you tomorrow," Hawke's voice and bright smile brought them both back to reality. _

"_Till tomorrow, Hawke" Sebastian offered._

_As her eyes flickered to Fenris he smiled just a little, their secret smile, and her face lit up. _

_Sebastian watched the encounter and when he caught Fenris' gaze again Fenris realized that the boy saw more than any of his other students._

"_We all make our own choices, to do good as well as evil." It was not quite a warning, but Fenris bristled all the same. "That is our doing, not the God's."_

_Sebastian looked at him with serious blue eyes, but Fenris found no open admonishment or judgment there. _

"_Some people find God in nature, in art, in music, in the Word or in a thousand other ways. But some, a very lucky few, find God in people." Fenris felt his ears burn and his heart pump harder. "It's never too late to let his spirit into your heart."_

Drawn firmly back to the present by a chilling wind, Fenris snaked an arm around Hawke and puller her closer to him. He pressed his lips against her hair and felt her melt into him, contentment radiating off her and into him as well.

"But to answer your question, Hawke: yes."

He felt more than saw her smile, and the world narrowed to her, the fading light, and a fire within him no wind could snuff out.

* * *

><p>AN: Merry holidays everyone! Sorry for the lack of updates, but in the spirit of the season I'll be uploading a few Fawke vignettes from now till New Year's so stay tuned! This will likely be three parts and doesn't quite follow the timeline of Kirwall Academy so these little in between moments can really stand by themselves.

Hope all is well!


	2. Chapter 2

_spirited \ˈspir-ə-təd\ n.: An attitude marked by enthusiasm, energy, or passion_

* * *

><p>Fenris had never particularly appreciated the holidays.<p>

As he strode through the crowded department store aisles, he could barely suppress the urge to stomp on the next fake wreath he saw. Perhaps his disdain for the season stemmed from his lack of cheer in general. Perhaps it was that he had never had a proper family to spend it with. Or perhaps he was simply an innate Grinch. All the same, the repetitive music grated on his nerves, and if _one more_ sales representative asked him if he needed any assistance-

But this year, he had someone worth braving all of it for.

He couldn't help the slight twist of his lips when he thought of Hawke.

She was far more excited by the prospect of winter than he, and although he knew it to be inappropriate, considering the nature of their relationship, he wanted to get her something.

For someone who gave so much, she received painfully little.

Setting his shoulders, he wove through the crowd again with new-found determination.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Fenris was once again alone with Hawke for their weekly Friday tutoring sessions.<p>

The day was cold and grey, and as the hour grew later Fenris began to fidget, trying vainly to think of the best way to give her the gift he'd acquired.

"Perhaps we can end early today," he offered, already closing the textbook before him.

"Oh good! Too much somber Latin for such a jovial time of year," she exclaimed, only half sarcastically.

Hawke absolutely adored the holidays. The bitter cold, the cheerful lights, eggnog and warm fires- even the repetitive carols and jaunty Christmas commercials made her feel warm from the inside out. Things seemed a little brighter when bathed in the glow of firelight, or covered in a layer of bright white snow.

Her family was much less enthusiastic, of course. Carver, the unsurprising Scrooge of the Hawke family, made it evident from an early age that he detested the frivolity behind Christmas celebrations, often refusing to partake. Gamlen used the festivities as an excuse to over indulge in various holiday drinks. Leandra... well, she hadn't been in a state of mind to celebrate much of anything since the blight.

Christmas really did never feel the same without Malcolm and Bethany. Her father and sister were the biggest Yule-tide advocates of the lot; between the two of them they would organize tree decorating and ham roasting and who got to open presents first. They were like Santa's elves in that way.

Hawke was determined to keep that spirit alive in their memory, even though the longer she was without them, the harder it became to remain optimistic- even in light of her favorite time of the year.

She turned to Fenris then, whose voice had cut through her thoughts. He was staring at her, eyes intense as always, just a ghost of happiness on his face. Hawke wondered what his Christmases had been like, growing up. Had he ever had a family for the holidays? Had he ever had anyone?

_Well_, she thought resolutely, _he has me, whether he likes it or not. _

Hawke's spirit was rather catching, and Fenris found himself smiling back a bit.

"I could counter the satirical undertones of that with a short lecture on the history of Christmas," Fenris said, amusement ringing through each word "and its invariably Latin roots, but I will be merciful."

He leaned back and regarded Hawke. This was the last session of their tutoring for the semester since the next week was finals, and then after that she had half a month off for the winter recess. Fenris was suddenly forced to come face to face with the fact that these could very well be the last few moments he got alone with her for a long while. The smile fell from his face.

_If ever there was a time to be brave, it is now._

"I...was at the mall in Lowtown a while ago," he started tentatively.

The way he bashfully fiddled with the rolled sleeves of his shirt made Hawke's heart catch in her throat. The branches of his tattoos flexed with the swallowing of his throat: a nervous habit he had when he was mulling something over.

It just wasn't fair- he was so damned attractive, and he didn't even realize the effect he had on her. All the time. He took away her words and intellect, leaving a gooey puddle of hormones and girly sighs in their place.

_I just want to cuddle with you next to a fire with some eggnog- is that so much to ask?_

She decided she would play it as cool as possible; Hawke could be witty, she was good at that, damnit! Even still, she didn't want to scare him away, not when his eyes betrayed perhaps unintentional vulnerability. "Oh? Bitten by the black-Friday bug and such?"

Fenris had not even been sure what he was going to give to Hawke till he quite literally stumbled upon it.

At the store weeks earlier he had been pushed sideways just as he had given up, and all but crashed into the mannequin wearing the coat.

Fenris had caught the thing as it started to fall, and only once he had it in his hands did he realize the perfect irony of his find.

Hawke's jacket (which was truly more of a cardigan and not waterproof in the slightest) which she wore to school was threadbare, held together with creative stitching and sheer force of will.

And this was perfect. So perfectly Hawke- black but red on the inside, the cloth fine and soft, and _warm_ more importantly, with a good, deep hood.

It had been expensive, but Hawke's health and comfort was a much better use for his paycheck than funding his blatant alcoholism.

Standing abruptly, he pulled out the white bag frosted with red tissue and set it on the desk between them.

"Since- since I likely won't see you. Before Christmas, that is." He gestured to the bag, eyes flicking away from Hawke as he suddenly doubted his decision. "Please, open it."

Hawke stared down at the white bag, stunned. She had saw it hiding under his desk during class. It had been there for the duration of Fenris' lecture, piquing her curiosity despite her noble intentions of not prying into his life (for once). The bag was a medium size and in fairly pristine condition, shiny red paper glinting in the fluorescents. It was as if Fenris had been guarding it under his desk, like a dragon guarding his lair.

The slightly jealous, impulsive Hawke had wanted to ask him about it earlier, ask him who the giver was. But she refrained; it wasn't her place really, it wasn't any of her business.

But she wanted it to be.

Her heart began to pound hard; Hawke touched the feathered edges of the paper. It looked expensive, and she looked up at Fenris. "I... Fenris, you didn't have to get me a gift."

"I wanted to," he answered simply.

And it was true- Hawke's smile was worth all the money he had ever laid his hands on and more.

"I know how much the holidays mean to you, and I thought..." Fenris struggled for words, before finally choosing to just push the bag closer towards her. "It is yours."

_As am I._

Hawke felt her heart constrict painfully before swelling with happiness. Fenris continued to surprise her with his consideration and warmth, even in the face of all the adversity that constantly poured upon him.

It was a bittersweet moment, and Hawke couldn't help the smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

_You're enough_, she thought, beginning to unwrap the gift before her. _I don't want anyone else_.

With shaking hands she revealed her gift. It was a jacket, silky, soft and...

It had a hood. Fenris had gotten her a coat with a _hood_. Because he saw her make the mad dash back and forth from her car to the school in the pouring Kirkwall rain. Because he saw her sniffle with a cold during their tutoring sessions.

Because he noticed- because he _cared_.

Hawke had no words. She sat there, lavish coat in her trembling hands, and slowly her eyes met his.

"Fenris, I…."

Her eyes were suddenly glistening and Fenris felt his heart immediately drop. As he opened his mouth to begin apologizing Hawke cut him off.

"It's beautiful. I love it."

And with that, coat forgotten, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you."

Fenris returned her embrace, gingerly at first, before pulling her closer.

He couldn't tell Hawke how her presence in his life had been a greater gift than any he could ever receive, how she made his days brighter and his nights far less lonely with just the thought of her.

In that moment- in all his moments to come- she was all that he needed.

* * *

><p>The first thing he noticed when he saw her was that she wore the coat he had given her. Fenris' heart swelled with something he could not quite name at the knowledge that he had found the right gift for her, that he had helped her in some small way.<p>

He was not surprised Hawke had gotten roped into decorating; when he'd looked out to the green and saw her Fenris had finished grading as fast as he could so he could go to her.

The second thing he noticed was that she was positively doused in red and green glitter, as was half of the ice rink she was stringing garland around. The ASB board had voted to put an actual ice-skating rink on the school's green for the Winter Bash, and although Fenris still found it a disgusting waste of school funds, he had to admit that it was beautiful. Or maybe it was simply that Hawke was there.

"Were you attacked by the essence of Christmas spirit?" Fenris smirked, gesturing to the glitter as he walked to the wall.

"Excuse you I _am _Christmas spirit." Hawke put her hands on her hips and promptly lost her balance, lurching forward to grab at the side of the rink. He caught her arm to steady her and she laughed as she stood back up.

"Yes, as graceful as Santa's elves."

At that Hawke threw a handful of her glitter at him, which he dodged easily.

Hawke huffed. "Like you could do any better!"

"Are there more skates?"

"Over by the bench."

Fenris nodded before trotting off to find a pair. He laced them easily and within moments was on the ice with Hawke.

He skated smoothly over and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course you're a master figure skater. Why am I not surprised?"

"Allow me," he offered, taking the garland from her and stringing it around the rail. Hawke followed behind, sprinkling glitter atop the green needles and on Fenris' white hair when he wasn't looking. "Where are the others?"

"Merrill and Isabela and them? They all had to go get ready for the dance. As soon as I'm done with this I'm out of here."

"You're not going to stay?"

"I was thinking of going to Bodhan's instead. You're more than welcome to come if you're done with all your administrative-y stuff."

"Final grades are in. Congratulations on your A-."

"A true Christmas miracle!" Hawke laughed. They were making quick work of decking the hall (or rail, more like) between Fenris pulling her along the ice and the incentive to leave the school as quickly as possible. Being at school on the first Saturday night of break was not her first choice, but spending time with Fenris certainly was.

As they reached the end of the rink and the end of the garland Fenris turned to Hawke. The night was cold and clear and his breath misted in front of her. She still clutched the rail like it was a life line.

"Did you ever learn how to ice skate?"

Hawke shifted and looked down at her turned-in ankles. "Not really. When I was younger my dad would tow me around since the twins never wanted to go, but I really can't by myself."

Fenris held his hand out, an invitation and a promise all in one. The festive glitter in his hair sparkled and without a second more of hesitation she took his hand.

He moved to stand next to her and placed his other hand on her waist.

"Move with me," he breathed, and Hawke's heart beat like a drum in her chest as she stepped forward with him, gliding suddenly with his hands around her and the warmth of him mere inches away. As they came around the first turn Hawke stumbled slightly but Fenris was right there to steady her, guiding her body to match the curve of the rink.

As they continued Hawke grew more and more confident and moved her legs in time with Fenris as they picked up speed. She didn't even notice that he'd let go of her till she turned to look at him and he was smiling at her, his eyes alight with happiness.

All that connected them was their hands, still entwined.

She pulled him to a stop at the entrance of the rink. They were very close still, almost touching as they both looked at each other.

"Look up," Hawke said, and Fenris' gaze turned to the archway above them. It was adorned with glitter, garlands and lights just like the rest of the rink but something that hung from it caught his eye.

"Mistletoe."

Hawke nodded and tilted her head slightly, skating ever so slightly towards him. "Courtesy of your personal embodiment of Christmas."

Fenris' hand rested on the small of her back and Hawke's lips parted, the moment made all the more precious with the fragility of it. They both moved to close the distance, slowly, so slowly-

"_Hawke!_" A shrill feminine voice rang out.

Fenris skated backwards on instinct, his reflexes working to steady him.

Hawke, however, was not so balanced. Her legs went out behind her and her torso came surging towards him. Fenris' arms went out to catch her just as Merrill and Zevran came upon the green.

"Are we, ah, interrupting?" Zev purred as Fenris helped Hawke to her feet and off the ice.

Fenris felt his face go white and his ears go red. Hawke, however, was quicker to recover.

"Oh I just tripped. You know how I am, grace personified," she joked. "Help me get these skates off before I break something."

Zev chuckled and helped Hawke over to a bench where they both tackled the ridiculous knot she'd tied to secure her boots.

Merrill's head tilted inquisitively at Fenris. "Are you quite alright? You look as if you've seen a ghost! And you're so glittery," she cooed.

Fenris could only nod and step gingerly off of the ice, cursing his luck and his folly and _Merrill's consistently terrible timing._

When Hawke strode back over with Zev in her regular shoes she stood next to him, and yet she felt so much farther away than she'd been just moments ago.

"I should really go," Hawke started as the silence began to drag on. "Have fun at the dance."

She looked at Fenris and her mouth quirked up a bit as she brushed by him, too closely to be an accident.

"See you soon, Fenris."

And there wasn't enough glitter in the world to match her smile.


	3. Chapter 3

_spirited \ˈspir-ə-təd\ tr. v.: To impart courage, animation, or determination to; inspirit_

* * *

><p>For as long as she could remember, sparklers had been a fixture of celebrating New Year's. Carver, out of all their family, had cherished them best but he and Hawke had both loved the way they lit up the night after waiting hours for the next year to fall upon them.<p>

As Hawke was walking though the supermarket picking up the necessities her family needed for the week, she stopped at the little seasonal aisle to admire them. After everything that had happened this year, Carver especially deserved a little normalcy. Hawke hadn't bought one in years, and though it put her over budget, she threw two packs in the cart, more excited than she was willing to admit at the prospect of lighting them with her brother to celebrate the tentative promise of the coming year.

* * *

><p>"Mom?"<p>

Hawke knocked tentatively on the door to her mother's room.

New Year's Eve had found their family broken once again. Gamlen was, blessedly, gone for the night and Aveline had invited them over to her house with the rest of Carver's wrestling team and their families for her annual New Year's party.

Carver was putting the finishing touches on his signature guacamole with a care Hawke rarely saw for him. _This is an opportunity for him to show that we're normal too,_ Hawke thought sadly.

She knocked again.

"Mom it's already 9:15 we need to leave soon."

When there was no response Hawke pushed the door open slowly.

Her mother was sitting on her bed, party dress on but hair in a disarray and eyes vacant. Hawke knelt down in front of her mother trying to catch her eye.

"Did you take your medication today?"

Leandra nodded.

Hawke's eyes tightened. Seeing her mother like this… it never got any easier. She made a mental note to take her mother back to the doctor as soon as she could and stood up. Carefully, she fixed Leandra's hair into a neat bun and helped her into her worn shoes. When she was ready Hawke smiled at her in an attempt to see just a glint of recognition, but nothing was there when she looked at her oldest daughter.

"Alright then," Hawke muttered mostly to herself. "Let's get Carver."

Walking around the corner of the hall she ran into Carver fiddling with his present for the team gift exchange. The little red bag it was in had been passed back and forth between the three of them for the last few Christmases and was obviously worn around the edges.

"Hawke do we have any of that crinkly paper stuff?" Anxiety tinged his gruff voice as he looked down at the lone gift card sitting at the bottom of the bag.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so."

Unspoken was that they had spent what little of the money they had put away for holiday spending on electricity a week ago when Gamlen had skipped out on his share of the bill.

Carver's brow furrowed. "Whatever. Let's go."

* * *

><p>When they arrived at Aveline's cheery home Hawke parked far enough away where her car would not detract from the beauty of the Vallen house decorations. All decked in gold to match the other cute little houses around it, the place sparkled. Carver was out of the car nearly while Hawke was still parking and rearranging his gift and appetizer one last time before striding towards the door.<p>

"Wait," she called after him. "I have something for you."

Fishing the package out of her purse, she handed Carver a box of sparklers. "I thought that maybe we could do them here if you want, I know it's been a while since we-"

"No." Carver handed them back to her, eyes dark. "I don't want to think about them tonight. I just want to get this over with and be done with this stupid season."

He didn't have to say who they were.

"Fine," Hawke sighed and took them back, crestfallen.

As they all walked towards the house with varying degrees of nervousness and anger Carver looked over at his mother and sister. "Just… try to be normal tonight. We won't stay long."

"Of course, Malcom." Leandra murmured, staring up at the lights along the rooflines.

Hawke caught Carver's eye and smiled weakly, apologizing silently for her mother.

* * *

><p>"It's so wonderful to see you all," Aveline said sincerely as she opened the door. The party was in full swing as they stepped in the house. Carver clutched his guacamole like a drowning man until Aveline spirited it away to the buffet table. Soon after he disappeared to join his teammates and left Hawke and Leandra to stand in the living room.<p>

_This was a horrible idea. _Even Leandra looked almost concerned as she surveyed the room. All of the families were dressed beautifully, laughing prettily and clinking crystalline glasses as they spoke of the happenings in Hightown and at Kirkwall Academy, gossiping with more verve than most students. Looking down at her faded black party dress and scuffed flats Hawke could not have felt more out of place. Just as she was about to go right back to her car with Leandra Aveline appeared.

"Give me a hand for a moment?"

"Um, yeah," Hawke said to Aveline's back as she was already halfway to the kitchen.

"Just stay here Mom, I'll be right back."

Scurrying after her, Hawke found herself in the middle of the largest selection of pies she had ever seen.

Aveline turned to her, hands on her hips and Hawke shrunk back on instinct from the confrontational stance before remembering that Aveline had been the biggest help to their family of anyone in the past years.

"Hawke. I know that without a doubt no eighteen year old in their right mind would be here of their own free will. So I want you to go do something fun tonight. Call your friends, or go to the library or whatever it is you do to relax. I'll watch your mother and Carver, they'll be fine."

"I, well, I can't just leave them. My mom-"

"Leandra will be fine. I brought some knitting things and set up a rocking chair in the kitchen so she can be with Donnic and me while we cook." Aveline stepped closer to Hawke, eyes warm and sympathetic, and put a hand on her shoulder. "They'll be fine, Hawke. I'll take them home tonight."

Hawke nodded slowly. Of course she would love to leave all of the snooty Hightowners for Aveline to deal with but it seemed unfair.

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely. Go enjoy your youth."

Hawke smiled at Aveline then. "Thank you. Call me if you need anything?"

"Of course. Now leave before I have to chase you out with my 'Don't' sign."

* * *

><p>Fenris sat in the den of the lighthouse, drinking champagne out of a bottle.<p>

It was his… second bottle? Third? He had lost track.

He had gotten a few generous offers from Aveline and Varric to ring in the New Year with them, but he had refused them all. Mingling with strangers was hardly his idea of a good time, people would whisper and stare, and with all of the noise and commotion he could not be as alert as he would like.

The only person he wished to see was Hawke.

The tension between them had grown exponentially in the past weeks; every touch set his skin on fire, every lingering gaze had hunger howling inside him. Fenris was not sure which was worse: being so close and yet unable to reach out or being away from her. Each day he came closer to acting on his desires, to saying something, to doing _anything_ that would end this agonizing uncertainty.

But instead, he chose to drink.

A knock on the door stopped his hand reaching for the bottle.

Rising carefully, he grabbed his gun out from a piece of broken baseboard molding and stalked towards the front door.

He looked out the peep hole and almost dropped the gun in surprise.

"Hawke?"

Her distorted image nodded and smiled weakly.

Hiding the gun again, Fenris rushed back to open the door.

"Hi Fenris," she started. "I… see you have no shirt on. Bad time?"

Fenris looked down stupidly to see that he was, in fact, shirtless.

He felt himself color and looked back at Hawke. She was smiling slightly, amused, which made him feel all the more foolish.

"Please come in," he said, and she stepped through the doorway. "What is that?"

"Oh, these?" Hawke lifted the little box. "They're sparklers. I know it's silly, I just thought, well, I suppose it doesn't matter."

At her doleful expression Fenris stepped closer on instinct. "It's not silly," he half slurred, suddenly mesmerized by the sweet smell of her hair. He remembered back to just a few weeks ago with her body slumped against his on top of the lighthouse looking out at the ocean. "We can…." He gestured vaguely as he searched for the words, brows furrowing.

"Light them?" Hawke suggested.

Fenris nodded and reached for the box, but caught her wrist instead.

Soft and warm and real, it was everything he had not dared to want. He felt more than heard Hawke's breath catch in her throat and everything stilled around them.

They were both new to this, in a sense. She had experienced little and what he had seen and done had been twisted and blackened by fear and pain. This fragile thing before them, this _choice_, was so different and terrifyingly wonderful it made him blank just at the thought of it.

His thumb stoked along the line of her palm, his eyes fixed on the contrast of their skin.

"Fenris," Hawke breathed.

His eyes found hers, wide and grey and so lovely.

"You've been drinking."

The disappointment in her voice was almost enough to kill him.

He dropped her wrist and pulled back. There was no point in lying. "Yes," he said quietly. "I didn't expect company."

"I can go if-"

"_No._ Please," he said, made hollow by the thought of her leaving. "Stay."

She nodded. "Only if you have some water, I don't want you passing out while you're holding something that's on fire."

"That seems only fair."

She smiled slightly at him and he found himself returning the expression ten-fold. He wanted to maker he smile more.

Hawke fixed him a cup of water while Fenris rummaged through his drawer of cigarettes looking for a lighter.

"Here," he said, already turning towards her.

They traded and after Hawke was satisfied by how much water he imbibed she nodded smugly.

"Much better, Fenris."

"Would you like some champagne?"

"I drove here, I can't."

"Then stay the night."

Her lips parted and she looked rather taken aback before pausing. "I… suppose I could." Her family was taken care of, there was really nothing holding her back.

"It will not be safe on the roads tonight" he said desperately, willing to give anything, say anything to make her stay.

Hawke shrugged. _When in Rome, after all._ "Sure. But first, I believe it's sparkler time."

With that she grabbed his hand and they raced up the stairs. He managed to grab a sweater left hanging on the railing and pull it on just as they reached the terrace.

The night was, as Kirkwall nights this time of year often were, bone-chillingly cold. Still, the warmth in her hands and smile was more than enough for Fenris.

She set down her purse and produced the lighter and sparklers, opening the box and handing one to him with the excitement of a child.

"Ready?"

He nodded. She struck hers and the fire it produced was beautiful and immediate and rich and gold. Richer though was the gold of her eyes, seeming to generate the color rather than reflect it. Hawke smiled as she swung it around lightly, watching the sparks fall onto the concrete floor.

"Ferrotitanium," Hawke said happily. "That gives it the color."

Fenris could only smile.

"Light yours!" She passed the lighter to him and after a few tries Fenris got the thing lit.

His burned just as bright, but it was a deep red.

"Aw yours has strontium nitrate you lucky bastard," Hawke laughed.

He barely heard her. Fenris had not seen anything so beautiful since, since-

_Hawke with her lips parted, body so close he could feel the heat of her just beyond his own clothes. Everything about her was red, from her mouth to her cheeks to the color of her dress and more than anything her spirit, always smoldering inside her, burning and warming in turn, inspiring those around her in ways she never even realized. _

She spun easily and let the white sparks fall towards the ocean below. Turning to him she pointed the sparkler at him like a fencer. "En garde, Fenris."

"Allez," he replied, positioning his feet accordingly.

She followed his lead and they parried and struck and circled till they both of them were breathless and laughing, red from the biting cold and excitement.

Just as the things were nearing their end Hawke beckoned him to the rail, nudging him playfully with her hip.

Fenris' head felt much better, far clearer than earlier by any means, and he sighed contentedly, circling his sparkler around Hawke's until red and white sparks were entwined in the wind.

"That was wonderful, Fenris. Thank you," she said with heartbreaking sincerity.

"Whenever you have the desire to set things aflame, you're welcome to do so here."

"Ha! Careful what you offer."

"You know my door is always open to you, Hawke."

She looked up at him, something delicate and utterly wonderful there in her gaze. "That means a lot," she said quietly.

Their sparklers burned out just then, leaving their hands dark.

Perhaps it was the cover of night, or the closeness of her, or the events of the last few weeks, but Fenris could bear it no longer.

He dropped the firework and wrapped his hand around her waist, the other coming to tangle in her hair as he kissed her.

Hawke was still against him for a moment. Fenris held her tighter, willing her to respond, and just as he was about to pull away she stepped into him and returned the kiss.

That moment shown brighter than either of their sparklers had.

They crashed against each other with vigor, each taking in as much of the other as they could, grasping and desperate, months of longing and weeks of tension coming to a head.

The thin fabric of her dress chafed against his clothing and the friction of her body against his was more perfect than any dream he'd ever had. Their urgency grew as his hand skirted lower along her back. Hawke moved into his touch with a mewl that made what little reason Fenris held onto all but disappear.

He moved down her neck to the hollow of her throat, nipping slightly and reveling in the sounds she made. Tomorrow she would bear his mark and something inside him howled in pride at that knowledge.

Fenris got to the top of her dress and slowed to admire the softness of her. His hand dragged along her side up to the edge of her breast and she leaned into him. She shivered and it occurred to him suddenly that she must be cold; her skin was ashen and next to the heat of his hands he had not noticed how chilled she was. The reality of where they were- on top of his decrepit residence in the middle of winter- made him suddenly realize how wrong this was.

"Wait," he said hoarsely. He pulled back to look at her despite her impatient groan. "This is not right."

At the pain on her face he hurriedly continued. "When we do this I want you to remember it and be warm and comfortable. This, here," he motioned at the scatter debris moving with the wind, "this is not what I wish for you. You are special to me Hawke, I would have my actions and your first time reflect that."

Hawke straightened, putting distance between them that made Fenris want to curse at his backwards morals, but her face did not hold anger or sadness. "I… think you're right. We both got rather caught up in the moment but, um, I did really enjoy it," she added with a slight smirk.

He bit his lip to keep from jumping her but recovered himself quickly. "As did I."

"Then we're in agreement." She took his hand and grabbed her things. "And it is _freezing_ up here. Shall we head back into the belly of the beast?"

Fenris could only smile at her, at all of her, and nod.

* * *

><p>Once they were back in the main room Fenris re-kindled the fire and brought over the champagne to where Hawke was settled in the blankets. He sat next to her at an appropriate distance and Hawke promptly pulled him closer so that their legs were touching. Her skin was no longer cold and her smile was bright.<p>

She was happy, she was safe, and in this moment, she was his.

"Only two more minutes! So, Fenris, any life-changing resolutions for the new year?" Hawke hiccupped and giggled slightly before taking another swig from the bottle and passing it to him.

There were so many answers to that. He wanted to be as brave as Hawke, as kind or courageous, but more than anything he wished to give her the best of him. After all, she deserved nothing less.

"I want to do this more often." Simple, but honest.

"Me too."

"Truly?"

Hawke smiled and leaned into his arm. "Absolutely. I don't want to be anywhere else."

Carefully, Fenris brushed back Hawke's hair to see her face. She looked up at him, eyes full of a hope and promise he could barely fathom.

"Fenris?" she breathed, and her lips were so close that a single movement would have them reunited.

"Yes?"

"Happy New Year."

* * *

><p>AN: Hawke said it best- happy new year! Spirited is officially complete, so thank you everyone who has read/favorited/followed and reviewed. Stay tuned for Kirkwall Academy and Correctional updates! :D


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